


Secret Gardens

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 06:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8567686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: Post Endgame fixer upper. Kathryn and Phoebe have a heart to heart and revelations abound.





	

**Author's Note:**

> A birthday story for Gilly in 2010. Happy Birthday, m’dear. Have a grand one. Hugs.
> 
> Thank you to Kim J for the beta.

Kathryn stood at Phoebe’s front door and blew a slow breath through pursed lips. She was sorely tempted to run and hide but knew her sister would never let her escape.

She would be relentlessly hunted down until she was bagged, tagged and most likely gagged. The heart to heart that her younger – and much bossier – sibling had insisted upon was long overdue, so, with shoulders slumped in resignation, Kathryn lifted her hand to ring the door chime.

But before she had the chance to press the button, the door flew open and Phoebe grabbed her arm and hauled her inside.

“Where the hell have you been? I thought you said nine o’clock.”

“It’s ten past! And since when have you become Miss Punctual?” She gave Phoebe a telling look, then added, “Oh and it’s good to see you too.”

Phoebe spun back and with a roll of her eyes gave her older sister a guilty grin and a quick hug before linking arms and dragging her towards the back of the house and into the disaster zone that had once been her pristine and fashionable living area.

Virtually shoving Kathryn into the room, she called out, “Look who’s here, boys!”

Two redheaded cannon balls shot out of the debris field and slammed into Kathryn; one wrapping his arms around her leg, the other around her waist.

They chorused loudly as they jumped up and down. “Auntie Kathryn! You’re here, you’re here.”

Kathryn fought to stay upright, steadying herself on the back of the settee. Twin toothless grins were aimed at her and she laughed as she tousled their hair. “Yes, I’m here. Hello, Gabe; hello, Mikey.”

Phoebe gave Kathryn a broad smile before backing away. “Javier should be back soon to take them to Mike’s, and then we’re on our lonesome for the rest of the day, but could you keep half and eye on them while I have a quick shower? I feel like something the targ dragged in.”

Kathryn nodded and shooed her away. “Of course; go. While you’re gone, the boys and I are going to see if we can find the floor.”

Phoebe snorted. “Good luck. We haven’t seen it for a while but we know it’s somewhere down there, don’t we, guys?” The twins nodded enthusiastically. Phoebe turned back to Kathryn. “It’s hardly worth the bother; it’ll only get covered up again.”

Gabe very helpfully kicked over a stack of blocks, pushed a toy shuttle and stuffed Gorn out of the way, then pointed to the parquetry beneath. “See, Auntie Kathryn. I found it; the floor.”

Shrugging her shoulders, Phoebe stifled a smile. “See, mystery solved. He’s obviously inherited those uncanny powers of observation from his aunt.”

Kathryn gave her a withering look, then squatted down to her nephews’ level. “While Mommy’s having her shower, let’s have a race to see who can put the most toys back in the boxes.”

The twins looked at each other and then like a pair of orange-topped dynamos, began grabbing armfuls of toys and anything else that was within reach before tossing them towards the two large trunks at the far end of the room. Blocks, cars, soft toys, books, trains, animals and all other forms of child-friendly detritus flew from one end of the room to the other. They ricocheted off the walls and windows and bounced off the couch and chairs, but pitifully few of the projectiles actually made it to their intended destination and it became more of a redistribution of the mess than anything resembling a tidying up.

Kathryn bellowed over the ruckus. “Hey, try not to make things worse, you two.”

The boys barely broke stride in their frenzy and the only thing she heard was a loud guffaw as her sister retreated up the stairs to the relative safety of the bathroom. Kathryn was tempted to follow and barricade herself inside.

After five minutes, Mikey and Gabe became bored with that particular activity – not that it had achieved much – and after retrieving the few items that had accidently made it into the toy boxes, they started constructing towers and mountains from anything that could be stacked.

Not usually one to be defeated so easily, Kathryn thought about trying again but as a leaning tower of toy cars, stuffed animals and a xylophone tumbled to the ground with a loud crash, sending the boys into a gale of happy giggles, she decided to give up. They were having far too much fun for her to interrupt them now – well, that was her excuse.

She plonked herself into the nearest chair but as she did so, something gave a strangled squeak. Chuckling, she stood up again, pulled a plastic Targ from under the seat cushion and tossed it out into the mess to fend for itself. Gabe and Mikey glanced towards her but went back to their game and amidst more giggles, toppled another teetering mountain of toys.

Phoebe’s life was bedlam but a hell of a lot of fun and Kathryn loved visiting her sister’s house. It was the antithesis of her stark and ordered existence and she revelled in the chaos. In a way, it reminded her a little of life in the Delta Quadrant; never knowing from one minute to the next what was going to happen. It was a tame-ish version of life on a knife’s edge – treacherous in its own way, but not nearly as potentially deadly.

They were a wonderful family and Kathryn knew it did her the world of good to spend time here away from her rather dour but busy life at Headquarters. It grounded her and gave her a level of perspective that would otherwise be missing from her life. It was a ‘muck in’ kind of household, with family and friends dropping in at all times of the day and night. Spontaneity had always been Phoebe’s forte and she’d changed little over the intervening years – something for which Kathryn was eternally grateful.

Phoebe’s partner, Javier was a gorgeous man and they made the perfect couple. Their relationship was destined to be.  They’d met at an off-campus grief counselling session not long after Voyager had been declared lost but it wasn’t until the third meeting that they’d realised the unusual and unassailable connection between them. Phoebe was mourning the loss of a sister and captain, missing in the Badlands whilst in the pursuit of a Maquis vessel under the command of a former Starfleet officer named Chakotay. Javier was grieving for a brother lost on a small Maquis raider whose captain happened to be an ex-Starfleet officer, also called Chakotay.  That bond sparked an instant friendship, which quickly developed into a love affair. And seven years later, here they were, a family. Javier Ayala was Miguel “Mike” Ayala’s brother and, if it were possible, even more handsome than Kathryn’s former security officer.

It had been something of a shock, albeit a delightful one, when both she and Mike had found out about their siblings’ marriage. Initially Mike had endured some light-hearted ribbing from the crew, but things had settled down quickly. With thirty thousand light years between Voyager and home, the command structure had to remain intact. However, at the welcome home ball, a newly commissioned Lieutenant Commander Ayala had swept Kathryn into his arms in a warm hug, called her ‘Sis’ and welcomed her to the family.

Kathryn had been charmed, laughed and hugged him back, but she hadn’t missed the narrow-eyed stare that Chakotay had given her as he watched from across the ballroom.

She’d averted her gaze almost instantly, not acknowledging his look, but in a small and, granted, rather petty corner of her mind, she’d wanted to whoop for joy. It appeared he wasn’t as disinterested and objective as he’d led her to believe.

Only a few weeks beforehand, she and Chakotay had had – as her mother described it  – ‘words’. Gretchen could afford to be blasé about the incident; it wasn’t _her_ best friend who now wasn’t speaking to her.

It still riled Kathryn when she thought about it and she frowned as the incident replayed in her mind.

He’d swanned to her Ready Room, eager to explain about his brief but spectacularly disastrous liaison with Seven of Nine.

He prefaced his explanation with the insight that he wasn’t there to apologise and Kathryn thanked the deities; she couldn’t have borne that. But behind his self-conscious ear-tugging and chuckle, he did voice his regret for having hurt her feelings and hoped that it hadn’t caused any long-term damage to their friendship.

Intensely annoyed at his display of barefaced conceit and his arrogant assumption that she would actually care, Kathryn had retaliated by blithely stating that it was of little or no consequence to her what he did in his private life. She made a show of being preoccupied with reports and offhandedly told him that, although she’d known about the ‘affair’,  it hadn’t occurred to her to be concerned, except for Seven’s sake.

Kathryn’s sense of pride and self-preservation wouldn’t allow her to reveal just how much his defection had wounded her.  Therefore, her cavalier dismissal of his explanation was punishment for reneging on promises made.  Donning her mask of captainly bravado, she’d brushed over the incident and, without missing a beat, moved on to crew accommodation and repatriation issues.

When he’d tried to talk to her again – his face pale and eyes dull with hurt – she’d felt a flush of triumph, then snapped at him, informing him that it was neither the time nor the place for such matters and to kindly keep his mind on his job.

In hindsight, it had been a downright bitchy thing to do, but at the time, she was smarting cruelly from the shock of the Admiral’s revelations. And although they wouldn’t come to pass – Chakotay and Seven would never marry, Tuvok would be cured of his illness and the twenty-two crewmen would survive – none of these new realities had been a balm to her wounded heart.

But now that she’d had a chance to step back and look at it without the green tinge of jealousy colouring her perspective, she was keen to make amends. As it turned out, he really hadn’t deserved her wrath. She’d belatedly learned from Seven that the relationship had begun due to a series of misunderstandings and erroneous presumptions.

Under the Doctor’s tutelage, Seven had been furthering her knowledge of interpersonal relationships and because she’d already ‘practiced’ with a holographic version of the Commander – something else Kathryn had to talk to Chakotay about – Seven had assumed that the next logical step was to approach the _non_ -holographic version.

Once Kathryn had explained to Seven that aside from the Doctor, most holograms were programmed to interact positively with their flesh and blood counterparts and that real people usually weren’t as easily manipulated or controlled, Seven had nodded her understanding but was embarrassed by her apparent faux pas.

Once Kathryn assured her that no harm had been done, Seven seemed appeased, but emotions were a tricky thing when dealing with the cut and dried concepts of their resident Borg. Her duality always made life interesting and, as had been proven more often than not, complicated.

Chakotay hadn’t seen Seven’s advances for what they were – a young inexperienced woman tentatively dipping her toe into the shallow end of the pool of romance and relationships –  so her disagreement with him was another thing altogether and something that Kathryn wanted to discuss. He should have known better and each time she thought about it, the dull throb of anger and hurt resurfaced.

Frowning ferociously, she was saved from becoming bogged down in the quagmire of her thoughts when a small redheaded person tugged at her arm. “Auntie Kathryn, can I have a juice?”

Kathryn smiled at Gabe and as she hauled herself out of the chair, she asked Mikey if he wanted a drink, too. He nodded and skipped towards her. Holding each boy’s hand as they gambolled along beside her, she moved into the kitchen. Once they were refuelled with juice, cheese and grapes, Kathryn helped herself to a coffee and watched from the back door as the twins tumbled around in the yard, chasing one another and their dog, Beans.

She turned at the sound of a door closing just as Javier walked into the kitchen lugging an armful of groceries. He set them on the counter with a groan. “Phew, that’s a load. The Janeway women must have some major deep-and-meaningfuls scheduled.” He grinned at her, “Hi, Kathryn. How are you?”  and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before he yelled out the door. “Hey, you two, have you been behaving?”

A loud, “No!” was followed by squeals of laughter as Javier growled and raced out the door to chase his sons around the yard.

Huffing and puffing he staggered through the back door a few minutes later and headed for the sink for a glass of water. “God, I’m getting old.”

Kathryn smiled over the rim of her coffee cup. “Tom has a theory about that. He believes that children are powered by micro singularities – tiny black holes – and they suck all the energy from the adults around them. And the bigger they get, the more energy they sap until you’re nothing more than the wizened shell of the person you once were.”

Javier looked aghast. “You know, the frightening thing about that theory is that it makes a whole lot of sense – unfortunately. Thanks for that, Kathryn. You’re a peach.”

She laughed just as Phoebe came through the door and throwing her arms around her husband, kissed him soundly. “Who’s a peach?”

“Kathryn.”

“She is?” Phoebe looked her sister up and down. “Yeah, I think you’re right.” She grinned broadly at Kathryn’s disdainful look, before speaking to her husband again. “Now, honey, you’re going to take the boys over to Mike’s soon aren’t you?”

“Yes, ma’am, as ordered.”

“Good. Kathryn that means you and me… all on our lonesome.”

The moment of truth was nigh and Kathryn was tempted to offer to take the boys and avoid the third degree that was in the offing, but one look at Phoebe’s determined face and she changed her mind.

Her sister knew her too well and there was no way in hell, Phoebe was going to let her get away this time.

As much as Kathryn was dreading this, in a way she was glad that she could at last off-load; she’d held most of this inside her for far too long.

Javier called to the twins. “Gabe and Mikey, we’re going to see Uncle Mike and the big boys. Let’s go.”

Seeing their older cousins was all the incentive the two boys needed and within moments, Javier had them out the door and into the hovercar.

Phoebe and Kathryn waved them goodbye from the front porch, then looping her arm through Kathryn’s, her younger sister escorted her back into the house.

“Okay, I’m going to make a giant pot of coffee. Mom sent over a ton of caramel brownies and I had Javier pick up some chocolate and ice cream, so we’ve got remedies for any and all emotional outpourings.”

“God, Pheebs, you’re making me feel as though I’m some sort of basket case. I’m okay, you know.”

“I know you’re okay; you’re Kathryn Janeway; of course, you’re okay. But I want you to be spectacular and you’re a long way from that at the moment.”

Kathryn was inclined to agree.

* * *

They were back in the kitchen now and Phoebe was filling a tray with all the aforementioned cure-alls. After grabbing a couple of mugs from the cupboard and handing those to Kathryn, she picked up the tray and trudged out the back door.

Kathryn followed. “Where are we going?”

“To my secret hideaway.”

“I didn’t know you had a secret hideaway.”

“It wouldn’t be secret if you knew about it, would it?”

Kathryn shrugged. “I suppose.”

Hidden behind a screen of wisteria, Phoebe unlocked and pushed open an ornate wrought iron gate. They walked through into a small, enclosed garden. In the centre there was a table and chairs under a grapevine-covered arbour and in amongst the tumble of flowers and shrubs, a small pond and fountain burbled happily.

Kathryn was astonished and turned slowly trying to absorb the picturesque surroundings. “Where did this come from?”

“It was a gift from Javier on our first wedding anniversary. It wasn’t enclosed then but when the twins were born we had to keep them away from the pond, so we built the wall around it and it became my secret garden.”

“Phoebe, it’s wonderful.” Kathryn was truly amazed. It was like something from another time and place.

Phoebe placed the tray on the table and smiling, took the mugs from a still flabbergasted Kathryn.

She poured them both a cup of coffee and indicated that Kathryn should sit.

Kathryn shook her head in wonder. “I still can’t believe this was hiding here and you didn’t tell me about it. It’s… it’s just perfect.”

Phoebe grinned. “The keys are by the back door and you’re welcome here anytime.”

Kathryn met her sister’s understanding gaze and reached across the table to give her hand a squeeze. “Thank you. I think I’ll take you up on that.” Inhaling deeply of the heady scented air, Kathryn relaxed back into her seat and reached for her coffee as she muttered under her breath, “Just lovely.”

They sat in silence for several minutes and munched their way through two caramel brownies each before Phoebe broached the subject of the day’s interrogation. “Okay, what gives, Kathryn?”

It was a game of sorts and Kathryn was willing to play for the time being. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Phoebe.”

“All right, before we start, can we make a pact and promise to be honest with one another?”

“I’m always honest with you, Phoebe.”

“Maybe I should have said that I want you to be honest with yourself as well as with me.”

“Ah, that might be a little more difficult. I’ve spent years lying to myself.”

“I figured.”

They were both quiet for a time and then Phoebe cut to the chase. “Okay. Do you love him?”

Kathryn didn’t even pretend to not to know to whom her sister was referring. “Yes.”

“Okay, so why don’t you do something about it?”

“Because I don’t know if he loves me.”

“Of course, he does.”

“Phoebe, he was supposedly in _love_ with Seven only a matter of weeks ago.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do. My older self told me in no uncertain terms…” Kathryn mumbled under her breath, “…the old bitch.”

“You know that’s yourself you’re talking about, don’t you?”

“Oh, yeah, and she was a royal piece of works. I’m determined not to finish up like that.”

“You won’t. I won’t let you.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“About you and Chakotay. There’s a ton of history there; anyone can see that and I’d like to hear about it.”

Kathryn huffed then took a deep draught of her coffee. “I’m not sure where to begin.”

“Not wanting to sound clichéd, but why not start at the beginning?”

“The beginning…” She shook her head and frowned. “I suppose it all began after we were tossed across the galaxy.” Her mouth twisted into a wry smile to accompany the expected eye roll. “Now that sounds like the opening lines of a cheesy holo-novel, doesn’t it?”

“Maybe, but I’m still listening.”

“Yes, well, you know about the Caretaker and how we finished up in the Delta Quadrant.”

Phoebe nodded.

“So, after we picked ourselves up, stopped the ship from exploding and dealt with the dead and injured,” Kathryn took a deep breath as the memory brought back the gut-wrenching horror of their initial few days in the Delta Quadrant, “we were kidnapped and taken to the Caretaker’s array to be ‘analysed.’”

Phoebe grimaced but then nodded and gestured that Kathryn should continue.

“Chakotay and his crew had also been taken there.  We saw them all suspended in a large room just before the Caretaker did the same to us. We were there for almost three days and when we returned to the ship, Harry was missing. It was then that I contacted Chakotay for the first time. As it turned out, B’Elanna was missing as well, so I suggested that we combine forces to look for them.”

“You obviously found them.”

“Yes, after something of an adventure, but it was the darnedest thing; Chakotay and I worked so well together. Right from the very beginning, it was as if we were completely in tune with one another. I’d never experienced anything like it… ever.”

“I would have thought you’d welcome that, considering the situation you’d found yourselves in.”

“I know, and I did, but it also threw me a little. He took on the role of First Officer without a backward glance and although we had a few teething problems early on, the transition went remarkably smoothly.”

“Again, where’s the problem with that?”

“There isn’t one, it just amazed me and it still does. We were like two sides of the same coin, working seamlessly on problems and crises.”

“Had the whole yin and yang thing going, huh?”

Kathryn shrugged. “Put simply, yes and the only fly in the ointment was that before I knew what was happening, I’d fallen in love with him. I had no control over it, none whatsoever, but I felt as guilty as hell about it.”

“Why?”

Kathryn gave her sister an irked look. “Apart from the complex issues of Starfleet protocols and regulations, there was just the small matter of a fiancé back here in the Alpha Quadrant.  And in those early years, we assumed in all likelihood that we’d find a way home around the next nebula. I didn’t know we’d be out there for seven years.”

“Would you have done anything differently if you had known?”

“I don’t know. That question has been nagging at me ever since I found out about Chakotay and Seven. I suppose, if I’d followed my heart, I wouldn’t have wasted all that energy trying to hide my attraction and constantly keeping myself in check. If I’d told him of my feelings and we’d begun a relationship, it would have simplified matters in many ways, but it could have also complicated our lives beyond anything we could have imagined. It’s hard to know and I suppose I never will.”

Phoebe frowned. “That sounds like hell, Kathryn.”

“Compared to what else was happening, it was pretty minor stuff, but when we were on New Earth, the potential for things to escalate became _so_ much more than academic. He tried so hard to make our lives comfortable there. He made me a bathtub, a headboard and told me this rather corny but touching story – supposedly a legend of his people – but it was really his way of telling me that he loved me.”

Phoebe leaned forward, her eyes wide with anticipation. “What did you do?”

“I cried a little and held his hand.” Kathryn chuckled to hide the pang of sorrow that the memory evoked. Shrugging, she gave Phoebe a grim smile. “But that night – alone in my bed,” Phoebe rolled her eyes and sat back with a huff as Kathryn continued. “I realised that we only had each other and it was foolish of me to adhere so rigidly to the rules when I would never see Earth, Mark or Starfleet again. I made up my mind to approach him the following night and suggest that we move forward with our relationship…”

“You mean get the man naked and have your wanton way with him…”

“Phoebe!” She glared at her sister but then smiled. “Yes, that’s about it.”

“So what happened?”

“Voyager came back for us the following morning with an anti-viral serum.” She had to stifle a sigh. It was difficult not to be overwhelmed by the same sense of disappointment that she’d felt back then.

Phoebe, bless her, circumvented Kathryn’s downward spiral into misery. “Well, apart from the obvious disaster of not bedding the man, I’m glad they came back for you.”

“I am, too. As much as I love Chakotay, living out our lives in total isolation wasn’t something that I was looking forward to, even with the fringe benefits of being lovers. We were both disappointed, but never spoke of it.”

Kathryn watched Phoebe pour her another cup of coffee and hand her a block of dark chocolate. After that revelation, she probably looked like she needed it.

Taking a piece, she nibbled on it as she continued her story. “We almost instantly reverted to being the Captain and First Officer again but there was a change in the dynamic of our relationship. It was easier somehow and we were the best of friends. We had dinner together at least once a week, spent time together on the holodeck and even shared some of our shore leaves but neither of us was brave enough to step over that unseen barrier. We battled aliens and dealt with all manner of disasters both on and off the ship. There were space organisms trying to eat us, time travel, giant microbes, the Q and an alien who impersonated Daddy and tried to kill me.”

“Kathryn?!” Phoebe reached across and gave her sister’s hand a squeeze. “I don’t know how you survived. I really don’t.”

“There wasn’t a choice. But through it all, I knew that Chakotay had my back and I had his. We were a great team. But then when we lost Kes, Seven arrived, and our whole little world changed.”

“How?”

“We had our first real argument. We’d taken our easy command style for granted for so long that it threw both of us for a loop when we came to loggerheads over what to do about getting through Borg space and what to do with Seven.” She shook her head and laughed cynically. “It seems ludicrous now but he was all for blasting her out into space as he’d done with her fellow drones when they’d tried to assimilate the ship. He loathed her.” She took a sip of coffee. “How things change, huh?”

Phoebe shrugged. “Would you have liked him better if he hadn’t overcome his dislike of her?”

Kathryn hated when Phoebe did that; pointing out the giant hole in her neatly compiled preconception. It made her realise how stupidly petty she’d been. “Of course not. I was very protective of Seven and got irked with anyone who couldn’t see her potential.”

“So she became your pet project and your primary focus. I suppose that didn’t leave much time for Chakotay then?”

Phoebe had done it again.

At the time, Kathryn had been aware of the shift in their relationship, but she had always put it down to Chakotay’s dislike of Seven and need to distance himself from the young Borg. But with Phoebe’s observation, there was an entirely different perspective to consider. Seven’s rehabilitation had taken up all of Kathryn’s spare time. She felt responsible for the young woman, having so unceremoniously wrenched her away from the Collective.  Determined to bring her into the fold, she’d done so at the cost of her bond with Chakotay. Damn, she could be an idiot sometimes.

“Yes, you can.”

“Huh?”

“I can see what you’re thinking and yes, for a smart woman you can be monumentally stupid sometimes. _Forest for trees_ , Katie. On an emotional level, you’ve always been hopeless at seeing what’s right in front of you.”

Kathryn slumped a little lower in her chair. “You’re right, but it was complicated and we had to find some way of muddling through. We were still close friends and confidants but as the years dragged on, we got so tired. The constant demands of commanding Voyager took their toll on both of us. There were times when we’d eat a meal together and barely speak a word to one another. There was just too much to say to begin with and concerns for the ship and crew overshadowed anything more personal. We just didn’t have the wherewithal to deal with it.”

“That’s really sad, Kathryn. You know that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do but…” She looked intently at Phoebe, “…and I don’t mean this flippantly – but without being there, you can’t possibly understand the pressures we were under and the overwhelming weight of responsibility we felt. There just wasn’t anything left over for a personal life. In a way, it was probably best that we never crossed that divide – I doubt a relationship would have survived the pressures. It would have ended in bitterness and resentment and it wasn’t as though one of us could just put in for a transfer. As much as I’d like to romanticise the whole thing, what we did was probably the safest course of action.”

“Or inaction…”

Kathryn gave Phoebe a humourless smile and shrugged. “Whatever. But in the end, he was there for me when I needed him, and I’d like to think that I was there for him, too.”

“I’m sure you were and you’re probably right, although it’s a moot point now. But I have to ask; wasn’t there anyone else? Surely you weren’t celibate for seven years.”

“Why do you find that so hard to believe?”

“Because I know you and beneath all that Starfleet spit and polish there’s a passionate woman…” She paused and in a quieter voice, added, “and I lived in the room beside you for god knows how many years.  You’re a moaner, Kathryn, just in case you didn’t know.”

“And you’re impossible.” Kathryn felt a blush creep up her neck to her cheeks.

“Oh, I know that.” Phoebe laughed and then pointed at her sister. “Hell, it must be a while, you’re blushing. That’s a first.”

Kathryn rolled her eyes. “Yes, I’m the proverbial reinvented virgin and to answer your question, no, I wasn’t celibate for the entire seven years but my conquests are hardly anything to write home about. A couple of holograms and an alien with no genitals.”

“What?!” Phoebe had just taken a sip of coffee and sprayed the mouthful across the table. As she dabbed a napkin over herself and the table, she demanded, “What do you mean, ‘no genitals’? Kathryn, for God’s sake!”

It was hard for Kathryn not to laugh, although, it wasn’t really all that funny. Her affair with Jaffen had been the catalyst that marked the beginning of her and Chakotay’s estrangement. It was maddening to realise – this late in the game – that she’d been so preoccupied to notice the truth. She’d been grieving the loss of freedom and the taste of normality Quarra had given her, and she hadn’t been aware of Chakotay’s slow withdrawal from her life. She cursed her inattention now. Hindsight was a bitch.

She shook her head and tried to explain. “We were kidnapped and our minds altered so that we had no memory of Voyager or who we were. We were put to work in the factories and power stations on a planet called Quarra.”

“That sounds awful.”

Kathryn shook her head. “No, it wasn’t; it was wonderful. I’d never before felt so content in my life. Away from the responsibilities of my captaincy and imbued – artificially – with a deep sense of satisfaction as a coil reactor monitor, I thrived on this heavily industrialised planet. Jaffen was a co-worker, although not a kidnapped one, as it turned out. We hit it off straight away but I think that my attraction to him was probably manipulated, too. He was very like Mark in many ways.”

“Yeah, neither of them had any balls… that figures.”

Kathryn snorted a laugh but tried to look shocked. “Phoebe! That’s cruel.”

“Oh, come on, Kathryn. Mark was never really the man for you. He was a nice guy but insipid and tragically vanilla – it’s why you kept delaying marrying the man. Be honest now.”

Kathryn reluctantly agreed. “All right, I admit it, but he was a good man and I loved him – as much as I was capable of loving him.” She frowned. “God, that sounds so selfish and patronising. He was too good for me and I’m very pleased he’s found someone who deserves him.”

Phoebe gave a conciliatory shrug. “He’s happy and that’s what’s important, but I’m relieved that he didn’t marry you. He’s really not your style.”

“Why didn’t you say something at the time?”

“Would you have listened?” Phoebe raised one eyebrow but then waved her hand. “But we’re digressing. What happened after you got back from Quarra and the man with no genitals?”

Kathryn refused to be baited and continued the story. “Chakotay, Harry and the Doctor rescued us – _with_ Jaffen’s help, would you believe – oh, the irony. And once we were back to our old selves, we left the planet and continued on our way.”

“There’s more to this, isn’t there?”

Kathryn exhaled loudly. “It took a while but it finally dawned on me that after Quarra, Chakotay began to distance himself from me. I think my affair with Jaffen really hurt him.”

“Surely he couldn’t blame you. You were brainwashed and didn’t even know who you were.”

Kathryn shrugged. “Intellectually, I’m sure he was aware of that and he certainly didn’t blame me, as such, but sometimes it’s hard to convince your heart of such things. It’s the only explanation I can come up with.”

“It makes sense, I suppose. But you’ve been through so much, both of you.”

“Too much. We’ve seen sides of each other and ourselves that no one should ever witness. It’s hard to get past that sort of thing.”

Phoebe met Kathryn’s gaze and gave her a grim smile. “So, no baggage, huh?”

When Phoebe put it like that, it was hard not to laugh at the chaotic mess of it all. How on earth were she and Chakotay ever supposed to get beyond the traumas and challenges that they’d faced in the Delta Quadrant? It would haunt their lives forever.

Again, Phoebe read her mind. “You can do it though, you know. You can get past all of this and find contentment here.”

Kathryn huffed incredulously. “When did I become so easy to read?”

“I’ve always been able to tell what you’re thinking. It’s a sister thing.”

Smiling, Kathryn relaxed her shoulders. “I know that should worry me, but I’m glad you can. It’s a huge weight off my shoulders to finally tell someone these things. I’ve kept them to myself for too long.”

“I don’t know how you didn’t explode.”

“I had my moments; just ask Chakotay.” Kathryn’s mouth twisted into a cynical smile. “I wasn’t terribly loveable at times.”

“We can’t all be perfect all the time – except for me, of course.”

Kathryn grinned. “Of course.”

“But Kathryn, as traumatic as your experiences were, that shared understanding and familiarity could also be a wonderful foundation for a relationship, as long as you’re both willing to forgive one another for your shortcomings and mistakes. Let’s not forget that you’re both human and prone to those sorts of things.”

“Unlike you.” She laughed at Phoebe’s offhanded shrug of acceptance of that fact, then continued. “That’s definitely something we have in common – making mistakes.”

“It’s a start. When was the last time that you saw him?”

“Only a few days ago, but everything is so stilted and uncomfortable. I just don’t know how to break the stalemate or whether it should even be me that makes the first move. We’re at an awkward impasse.  If we were in the Delta Quadrant, I could count on some angry alien or ship-wide disaster to haul us out of our funk but here, it’s different.”

“Well, if you want my opinion, I say just go to him, tell him the truth, get naked and get at it.”

“That’s certainly to the point, but I think I might have to be a little more subtle than that.”

“You’re right. Take a bottle of wine with you; get him drunk, _then_ tell him the truth, get naked and get at it.”

Kathryn’s mouth twitched with suppressed laughter. The imagined look on Chakotay’s face might almost be worth trying Phoebe’s suggestion. “To be honest, I think _I’d_ have to be drunk first before I could follow through with that idea.”

“That can be arranged.”

Kathryn held up her hand and demurred. “Thanks, but I think I’ll just try talking to him first and see how the land lies.”

“I’m glad you’ve decided to do that because he should be here any minute now. He’s punctual isn’t he? He looks as though he’s punctual.”

Blinking twice, Kathryn gawped at her sister. “You invited him here?!  Why would you do that?”

“Because, apart from you being my most favourite sibling in the world, an amazing Starfleet captain and an almost perfect human being, you’re a hopeless procrastinator about matters of the heart and your happiness. Someone had to make the call. And I figured that I’m your sister and you couldn’t hate me forever.”

“I could try.”

Phoebe smiled and passed her a piece of chocolate. “You’d fail. I’m irresistible.”

“You’re irrepressible.”

Phoebe shrugged but refused to apologise. “That, too, but you need to do this, Kathryn. You’ve unloaded and looked at your feelings objectively; now it’s time to do something about them.”

“How did you know that it would work out this way and that I’d confess to being in love with him?”

Phoebe’s eyes shot past Kathryn’s shoulder then darted back to meet her sister’s gaze. Her brow rose and a guilty smile spread across her features. “I just did, _and_ it looks like the cat’s out of the bag. That was easy.” Phoebe leapt to her feet and moved past Kathryn.  “I’ll just leave you two then, shall I?”

Before Kathryn had a chance to say a word, Phoebe was at the gate.

Turning slowly, Kathryn steeled herself.

She watched her sister give Chakotay an encouraging pat on the shoulder as she passed him, then Kathryn braced herself for the instant when their eyes would meet.

The moment didn’t disappoint. His rather startled but intense look almost knocked the air from her lungs. She swallowed and stood slowly, but wasn’t sure if she could move further. His reaction to her revelation would be telling, and if it all went to hell, Phoebe was a dead woman.

“Hello, Chakotay.”

“Kathryn.” His voice was rough and unsteady.

Hers was breathy and husky. “How are you?”

She wanted to roll her eyes; they were behaving like strangers.

“I’m fine, and you?”

She nodded. “Fine, thank you.”

He took a tentative step forward and Kathryn felt herself tense up but then silently berated herself.

This was ridiculous.

Suddenly emboldened by the sugar rush of several brownies and half a block of chocolate, not to mention almost toxic levels of caffeine, Kathryn decided to break the stalemate once and for all. He’d already heard her admission so there was little to lose.

Huffing out a breath, she strode towards him, leaned up and kissed his cheek, then gripped his arm and gave it a squeeze. “It’s good to see you, Chakotay. I’ve missed you.”

She could see him visibly relax and the breath that he’d been holding, exhaled in a whoosh.

Kathryn grinned.

A corresponding smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I’ve missed you, too.”

“Come on. Let’s have a cup of coffee. It seems we have a few things to talk about.”

“I’d like that.”

Looping her arm through his, she led him back to the table and they took a seat in the dappled sunshine under the leafy cover of the arbour.

After a couple of false starts, Chakotay finally broached the subject of her declaration. “Is it true, Kathryn? Do you still love me?”

She knew it was coming, but what a question. It felt as though she was the only one taking a risk here but having already admitted it, she couldn’t very well demure at this point. With her very best stoic captain’s mask in place, she nodded. “Yes, it’s true and has been for a long time.”

His face broke into the most dazzling smile she’d ever seen. “I can’t tell you how that makes me feel.”

Kathryn gave him a slightly exasperated look. “I really wish you would.”

He laughed and shuffled his chair around the table so he could take her hands in his. Leaning forward he pulled her towards him and held her gaze steadily. “Kathryn Janeway, I love you; desperately, hopelessly and with every ounce of my being.”

Her mouth twisted into a smile and she deadpanned. “I’ll consider myself told.”

They both laughed quietly as their eyes locked; both their gazes bright with delight. Slowly, as if pulled in by an irresistible force, they began to drift towards one another.

As they drew nearer, Kathryn’s eyes fluttered shut and her breath hitched as his fingers caressed her cheek just before their lips touched. She shivered as his hand cupped the side of her face, his fingers sliding through her hair as his thumb gently stroked along her jaw. She laid her hand over his and pivoted forward, her other arm sliding around his shoulder.

Their first kiss was as breathtaking as she’d imagined it would be. Soulful, deeply moving and alive with possibilities.

But she needed to be closer to him.

As though he could read her mind, Chakotay slowly got up, bringing her with him until she was pressed full length against his warm body. Wrapped securely in his arms with his soft lips still firmly moulded to hers, Kathryn moaned and her mouth opened beneath his. Their tongues gently grazed, one over the other, and he groaned, pulling her closer still, his hand splayed across her lower back and the other tangled in her hair, holding her tightly to him.

Kathryn allowed the moment to take her. She willingly let go of their past, put a hold on their future, and existed only in this bone melting present.

It was a revelation and she delighted in the blissful ease of it all. There was no doubt in her mind that this was meant to be, and with that profound knowledge imbedded in her heart, she knew that they would overcome any obstacles along their path to happiness.

If the Delta Quadrant couldn’t destroy them or their love, then nothing ever would.

With a renewed surge of enthusiasm, Kathryn clasped Chakotay closer and let her spirits soar, silently thanking the stars, the Fates and the gods for smiling on her one last time.

* * *

Phoebe tiptoed quietly across the backyard and lifted the wisteria away from the entrance, peering around the gate into her secret garden. She smiled broadly and inhaled a very satisfied breath. Her plan had worked – very well, from what she was observing. Mike and the entire Voyager crew would be delighted with the outcome. She mentally patted herself on the back for the part she’d played in finally getting Kathryn and Chakotay together. In fact, she’d succeeded so well that it looked as though they might have a bit of a job prying them apart. She grinned evilly at the thought. Still, she had to give her sister credit; the lack of practice had in no way dampened her enthusiasm.

If there were medals for manoeuvering stubborn siblings and achieving the nigh impossible, Phoebe figured she was deserving of the highest accolade.

Sporting a broad and happy smile, she left the two lovers alone and made her way back to the house. Phoebe had some calls to make and a celebration to organise. She had a feeling that neither Kathryn nor Chakotay were going to want to procrastinate over formalising this relationship. Seven years was a long enough courtship in anyone’s book.

Smiling indulgently, she glanced once more towards the garden before closing the back door, grabbing a caramel brownie and pouring herself a coffee – there was work to do.

With cup and treat in hand, Phoebe kicked a path through the living room, shouldered open the office door and nestled herself comfortably into the chair in front of the comm. console. She took a bite of her brownie and a sustaining sip of coffee, then rubbed her hands together gleefully as she hit the first call button on her list.

It was answered almost instantly and Phoebe grinned happily at the woman on the screen. “Break out the champagne, Mom. I’m a genius.”

_fin_


End file.
